Top 20 names for a stoat

This post has been scientifically designed with an optimal title which will appeal to blog readers everywhere.

1. Chrome Hrothgar
2. BeeBeeBeeSharp
3. Michael Phelps the Ferret
4. Arwen Undersofa
5. Overclockster
6. Dawg
7. Kilometry Cyrus
8. Sssssss
9. Unhandled Exception
10. Mahdi Fruvous
11. Antiquark Aggregate
12. Kansas City, KS
13. Madame Bovril
14. Lowermost Saxony
15. Finasteride
16. #AA328C
17. The Ruler of Sol 3
18. Strawberry Finn
19. Edward Teach
20. Password:

Keepin' it holy

I was looking through my logs today and saw that my post on holy drinking water and other products was linked to on the news page of the site itself (under Blogs). The company in question is Wayne Enterprises of San Joaquin county in California, which is not to be confused with this one or this one which are both notably drinking-water-free concerns.

St Christopher,
originally uploaded by Talleyrand.

This news arrives just as I was wondering why car companies don't marketed a model specifically toward Catholics concerned with freedom from peril on the road. The Cadillac St. Christopher I have in mind would have not only the usual dashboard figurine, but this hood ornament and a trunk medallion, just to be extra-sure. I am sure that the legal department would want to include a disclaimer about the presumed safety of driving your St. Christopher through raging streams. The owner would be advised to consult his or her local cleric to have the vehicle blessed according to a regular maintenance schedule — at least every July 25th.

More crane fun

Here is a list of some other things that a household bridge crane could bring within reach of the ordinary kook like me.

• A visual artist could use it to paint canvases many meters across in the paint-drip style of Jackson Pollock, ones too wide to reach across normally without having to step onto them. You could either come up with some arrangement with paint pots and servo motors mounted on the hoist, or else a harness to lift the artist up to apply the paint by hand.
• Along the same lines, the kids could put on a production of Peter Pan. Test those wires before flying too high, though.
• It seems to that the main room cleaning chore remaining once you have a robotic vacuum cleaner is the need to shift the furniture both to spare the carpeting from getting those pits where the legs dig in and to give the robot a chance to hit those areas underneath. A judicious application of hoisting points on your sofa, coffee table, TV, etc., would allow you to whisk them away (perhaps just as the Roomba is heading in their direction) and to redo the room layout every single time a cleaning pass is done.
• You could have one of the world's largest games of pick up sticks using a pile of aluminum trusses.
• At the end of a dinner party, tie all the corners of the tablecloth to the hook and lift the mess out of the way in one dramatic gesture. Or if your gearing is up to it, tie only the corners at one end of the cloth and execute the classic tablecloth trick.

Really, it's surprising that more people aren't already clamoring for the personal bridge crane already.

Someone's ringing the bell

Designer Li Jianye has designed a pair of doorbells for computer people (an Enter key) and for musical people (piano keys). I say, "why stop there?" How about a doorbell which sends you an SMS message when someone pushes it, so that if you are away from home, you would know about the event? It could have a little webcam to snap a picture of your visitor to send to you via MMS, and if you chose, there could be a little screen where you could message your visitor back.

I'm pretty sure that it could be implemented pretty easily with an Arduino Diecimila and a home computer.

Probably you would want an option to lock out the messaging functions if the doorbell gets pressed too often, to frustrate any annoying pranksters in your neighborhood.


Update: This was also posted on the Make: Blog. Also, I have an Arduino coming in the mail soon, so we'll see what doorbell-related tricks we might be able to have it do.

Shouting fire in a crowded blogosphere

At Problogger there's a competition for the best blog post title. Here's my list of suggestions - titles only, no posts yet.

1. When the redhead said 'jump,' I jumped


2. Psst! A time traveler has a business proposition for you


3. It's not just for date rape anymore


4. How to crochet your own parachute


5. Awesome video: Chuck Norris vs. Dick Cheney!!!!


6. Become an A-list blogger the lazy way


7. In defense of the N-word


8. Something naked this way comes


9. Spoil your baby for success


10. Learn to grow something I'll just call 'grass'

If one of you out there appropriates one of these, writes a post, and enters the comments, I would appreciate a note in the comments. (Especially if you win.)