Bringing it to the States

IMG_9493,
originally uploaded by スコット.

There have been a number of attempts to popularize sumo in the United States, which have usually included a big dose of explaining the heritage and traditions of the Japanese sport to the curious viewer.

Perhaps it would do better to take a different approach.

1. You can keep calling it sumo, but bill it as Center vs. Nose Tackle instead, in order to tap into the huge football fan base.


2. Get rid of the circular dohyo in favor of a linear playing field 5 yards long. The way you win is to either bring your opponent down in a position of helplessness or to push him back past the far line.


3. Geez, guys, put something on. After all, we'll be having you play outside, or at least in a domed stadium.


4. The match begins with the initial charge by the center. On the other hand, he is not allowed to hold (much), whereas the nose tackle is free to do so, plus he can score points by deflecting a prolate spheroid lofted overhead at random intervals.


5. Instead of purifying the playing area with salt before each bout, douse it with Gatorade afterwards.


6. Referees in stripes, not brocade.

I'll be watching the line tomorrow night to see whether there is some talent we could try to attract to the new sumo league, which would be active during the off-season period for the NFL.