Urban finger

Dan's Head,
originally uploaded by Canadian Veggie.

Has someone thought to promote the use of foam hands flashing gang signs yet?

Some signs, particularly the two-handed sort, are rather contorted, hampering the user's ability to handle anything at the same time. In fact, the slot in the bottom of the hand cutout might be a useful thing to have access to out on the street, it seems to me. With the right sort of cutout, one could even fashion it as an open carry accessory of a sort.

The foam and imprinting would come in red, blue, and gold, to appeal to the broadest number of customers.

Exam

An article about the round-the-clock curfew in Helena-West Helena, Arkansas made me think that perhaps we could require proof that a community is in fact civilized now and then.

The idea comes from Microsoft: when you install Windows, you have thirty days until you must activate the installation in order to prove that the copy of the installation certificate you used was valid. Mere possession of an installation image and a software key which functions cryptographically is not enough; one must submit to the higher authority of the company which provided these.

In a similar way, a governmental entity (Helena-West Helena was created by a 2006 merger) could be challenged to prove that they have the structures to maintain modern norms a society should possess, perhaps by documenting the persons responsible for each function, some statistics on the good and bad aspects of life under their authority, and a cross-section of opinion of the residents subject to the administration. If there are serious shortcomings, then sanctions could be applied up to the point where the government should be dissolved and a new one (or more than one) would take its place. No longer would be sufficient to call yourself a town or a nation and draw up some charter made up of empty promises, actual civic benefit would need to be demonstrated before a regime would be allowed to come into existence.

One could extend this notion to political entities which already exist today, subjecting them to the cleansing light of open scrutiny. But I would not bet on it.

(via)

Suggested apparel

Your basic New York Cheddar/Statue of Liberty cheesehead. Brett Favre's website should sell them.

Would it indeed not be nice?

The newspaper today brings a story of an engaged couple who had been delivered on the same day by the same man. They plan to marry on that same date on the calendar (coincidentally the same date noted by others for its auspiciousness) and in so doing will have only one to remember for future birthdays and anniversaries.

Which makes me think: wouldn't it be great if you were an obstetrician to have a side business as a matchmaker? It's hard enough to keep track of one's classmates, let alone strangers in the same maternity ward you landed in, but the doctor could provide a service for people who would like to meet other people they were infants together with, complete with pictures (albeit pictures as newborns). To help keep track of the individuals as they grow up, the services of the State might be called upon over the years, all very discreetly, of course. Also, given the right circumstances, the couple in question need not get involved and an arranged union could be set up, saving endless hours on the dating scene and providing an economic boost at the optimum time based on not only traditional means but also the local and economic prospect, benefiting as many people as possible. Given the right data from personality measurement tools, the pair could be incentivized toward the optimum lines of work, the best location to set up residence, the correct number and timing of production of offspring, proper observation of individual health maintenance programs based on actuarial tables, and in-depth counseling to ward off whatever disharmonies or inefficiencies encountered in daily life. Their two artfully managed lives without bounds could glide smoothly as if on precision bearings machined to exacting tolerances.

A list where you'll find the Carpenters to be ironically absent

The account of the life and times of the band Led Zeppelin is titled Hammer of the Gods. But haven't you wondered about the rest of the shop? Now, for the first time, the roster can be revealed!

Tool	Band
Crescent Wrench of the Gods	Heart
Measuring Tape of the Gods	Kiss
Block Plane of the Gods	Devo
Bandsaw of the Gods	The Ramones
Rasp of the Gods	The Stooges
Carpenters' Pencil of the Gods	No Doubt
First Aid Kit of the Gods	Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
Home Depot Charge Account of the Gods	Jimmy Buffett