I want to be relieved

Ten things I gleaned from the second X-Files film:

1. Despite a lifetime of medical training, it is legitimate to believe hallucinations can come from Satan.


2. West Virginia is about 15 minutes from Washington, DC.


3. When abducting the victim of a motor vehicle accident, it is okay to punch out the side window and drag the victim 100 yards - no one will notice.


4. Parents' wishes don't matter in the care of a minor child; whatever the attending physician decides is enough.


5. During a footchase of an elusive, homicidal suspect in an ill-lit, unfamiliar area, keep in touch with your partner by screaming at the top of your voice.


6. When you work for the FBI, they won't give you a handgun, even if you're a young female living alone in a rural area.


7. Unless you're an Assistant Director.


8. Speaking of rural areas, you will find that in West Virginia, dogs are uncommon.


9. When guarding your evil clinic, plan on having no more than a single attack dog in the pack.


10. You are advised to hate and fear the Roman Catholic Church, and all the creepy priests, and all her empty promises.