Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Losers interviews with the Gods

set-design-commercial-tv-film-movie-thesis by GelbachDesigns on Zooomr

The rolls are closed now, with only seven winners ("Earth" not being a god-name, strictly speaking, and Pluto having been cast out into the darkness). What would be the reaction of the divine also-rans, I wondered?

ApolloSo sister Venus gets a great big cloudy inner planet and I get nothing? Except for that spacecraft that nobody under thirty even heard about? It's not as if I didn't have enough classical hexameters to my name, all told, to establish me as a cut above the minor gods (Mercury, I'm looking at you).
CeresYou know, NASA, General Mills and Post would have been happy to fund a mission to visit me. I'd have liked one which had some definite signs of vegetation, though, so maybe I could be slotted in for the next Earthlike extrasolar planet, hmm?
DianaBlatant anti-butch bias. Yeah, you heard me. And I do not want to hear about how Earth's Moon is really mine, that really is pretty much a load of bull and everyone knows it.
JunoFirst off, I've about had it with that movie, so you don't have to think up anything funny to say. Hubby mine dearest is up there in his massiveness, surrounded by all his precious little trollops to boot, am I right? And for me, they set aside a little bit of rock? Not good enough! Mark my words, I'll have you all saying that it really was not good enough!
MinervaI figured I had those scientists in my pocket, being all about learning and all, not to mention the Classicists (Athens, anyone?), but I guess the kind of wisdom I specialize in doesn't work when it comes up to dumbasses. They might have thought to associate my alter ego with something other than some runner-up in the asteroid belt - that, to me, is just insulting.
VestaThe way I see it, people were just scared that if there were a planet, there might someday be a colony, and if there were a colony, the settlers would be known by everyone else as "Vestal Virgins." Alls I want to know is, what's so bad about being a virgin? It's not as if everyone didn't start out that way. Besides, the little dinky stone they gave me, that might have a colony too, so you're not off the hook.
VulcanI am the one who like invented technology, without which your society would be in a pretty mess, I should point out. I could have had all these moons with metallic names, and geek-themed craters, and nobody else could rock a volcano like me. They shoulda let Gene Roddenberry have some say in things, you know what I mean?
BacchusAw, hell with it. How 'bout a tall frosty one?

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