Make money not war

I just recently realized that the location of the Biblical village of Cana is still in dispute. It seems to me that someone should just decide on one spot and arrange to build a large reception hall there to accommodate destination weddings (or, at least, destination wedding receptions) for couples of a New Testament spiritual bent, thus bringing in tourist revenue to a region somewhat deficient in resources and hard by the contested region of the Golan Heights. Surely a lucrative commerce, tastefully done, could serve to ease international tensions in the region, though it might be too much to ask for actual miracles to occur in the process.

Curiously om

Title of the Buddha: The Master of Refreshment

via youtube.com

Add in a small DC motor and this prayer wheel could run continuously until the battery runs down.

Posted via web from Poor Poor Thing

Four quick ones

• Computer keyboards have those little bumps to help touch-typists know whether they have their hands positioned properly. (They have a rude nickname.) Why hasn't the same idea happened on keyboard instruments such as pianos? Furthermore, by way of analogy with ergonomic computer keyboards, couldn't someone devise a curved piano/organ keyboard to make it easier for the musician to reach the very high and low notes?
• Citigroup and Morgan Stanley to merge former rival brokerage services. The new company is going to be called Morgan Stanley Smith Barney, but I think it misses an opportunity to resurrect an old brokerage unit name associated with Morgan Stanley and call it instead Dean Witter Reynolds Smith Barney. Or was the Dean Witter marque too downmarket? I know it is probably too late to cancel the order for office stationery, but still.
• If we do successfully downsize our military operations in Iraq, maybe we can take some of those remotely controlled Raptor drones and set them up with rocket-propelled paintball armament to have simulated aerial warfare. There could robotic convoy of vehicles or something that a second player could control while the first player attempts to splat the target in one particular vehicle, without causing collateral damage.
• Among religious believers, it is often customary to say a prayer before sharing a meal. It seems to me to make even more sense to say a prayer before partaking in intoxicating drink. Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy libations, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. One could be more elaborate, with some mention of avoiding drinking and driving or whatever. Perhaps some public service spots could help to popularize this new custom.

Intelligent design in my soup

I was listening to Shirley Temple sing about these and thougth I'd do a search on Flickr. Seems to me that someone should have a line of animal crackers including dinosaurs, trilobites, etc., to appeal to those arguing for a young Earth. And don't forget the Serpent!

I was thinking

Yes, challah is taken...,
originally uploaded by MarisaElana.

If rednecks ran a matzo bakery, would the labels say Challah done been took?

More action saints

The venerable Cracked magazine's website has a post up about six saints who had astounding physical prowess. This fits in nicely with my previous video game proposal, on which I have heard exactly zero reaction from the hierarchy. An opportunity is being missed, one which could feature St. Olaf swinging a great big two-handed broadsword in 3D, and it is a pity. As far as I know, the only video game saints one can play with today are the ones based in New Orleans.

Odd that there's no mention of St. George drilling a dragon. It's just that ugly "legend" label keeping that boy down.

Regular expressions of marriage

marriage?,
originally uploaded by Rootytootoot.

Opponents of gay marriage favor the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman, forming the basis of a traditional family. Using the language of regular expressions, we can formalize the allowed configurations of families under different assumptions.

Let us represent a family grouping by a character string including various numbers of children, men, and women in that order (alphabetical).

Extended monogamy

^(child)*(man(man|woman)?|woman(woman)?)$

Traditional monogamy

^(child)*(man(woman)?|woman)$

Childfree

^(man(man|woman)?|woman(woman)?)$

Polygyny

^(child)*(man(woman)*)$

Polyandry

^(child)*((man)*woman)$

Polygamy

^(child)*((man)+(woman)*|(man)*(woman)+)$

Anti-spinster

^(child)*(man(woman)?)$

Anti-bachelor

^(child)*((man)?woman)$

Nuclear family

^(man|woman|(child)*manwoman)$

I wrote a little Ruby program to test a number of configurations against these regular expressions to give you an idea of what is allowed and what is not under those models.

Family grouping	Allowed?
Anti-spinster (hetero, no single women, single fathers okay)
man	true
woman	false
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	false
childman	true
childwoman	false
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Childfree (extended monogamy without children)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	true
womanwoman	true
manmanwoman	false
childman	false
childwoman	false
childmanwoman	false
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Open family (any configuration allowed)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	true
womanwoman	true
manmanwoman	true
childman	true
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	true
childchildmanman	true
childmanmanman	true
manmanwoman	true
child	true
Nuclear family (hetero, no single parents)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	false
childman	false
childwoman	false
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Anti-bachelor (hetero, no single men, single mothers okay)
man	false
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	false
childman	false
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Polygyny (1 man + n women)
man	true
woman	false
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	false
childman	true
childwoman	false
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Traditional monogamy (1+1 of opposite sexes, single parents okay)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	false
childman	true
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Polyandry (n men + 1 woman)
man	false
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	false
womanwoman	false
manmanwoman	true
childman	false
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	false
childchildmanman	false
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	true
child	false
Extended monogamy (1+1 of either sex, single parents okay)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	true
womanwoman	true
manmanwoman	false
childman	true
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	true
childchildmanman	true
childmanmanman	false
manmanwoman	false
child	false
Polygamy (n men + n women)
man	true
woman	true
manwoman	true
manman	true
womanwoman	true
manmanwoman	true
childman	true
childwoman	true
childmanwoman	true
childwomanwoman	true
childchildmanman	true
childmanmanman	true
manmanwoman	true
child	false

A few minutes' inspection of the results reveals how the regular expression in this model encodes the assumptions as to who is allowed to mate and who is allowed to raise children in a powerful and concise manner. Specifically, each of the regexs is short enough to fit on the front of a T-shirt, with room to spare, so that no geekish onlooker would need to wonder what your family philosophy consisted of.

Keepin' it holy

I was looking through my logs today and saw that my post on holy drinking water and other products was linked to on the news page of the site itself (under Blogs). The company in question is Wayne Enterprises of San Joaquin county in California, which is not to be confused with this one or this one which are both notably drinking-water-free concerns.

St Christopher,
originally uploaded by Talleyrand.

This news arrives just as I was wondering why car companies don't marketed a model specifically toward Catholics concerned with freedom from peril on the road. The Cadillac St. Christopher I have in mind would have not only the usual dashboard figurine, but this hood ornament and a trunk medallion, just to be extra-sure. I am sure that the legal department would want to include a disclaimer about the presumed safety of driving your St. Christopher through raging streams. The owner would be advised to consult his or her local cleric to have the vehicle blessed according to a regular maintenance schedule — at least every July 25th.

First person vocation processing

Saint Francis of Assisi and his Stigmata,
originally uploaded by Leo Cloma.

If the United States Army can devise a video game for recruiting, couldn't the Catholic Church with her priest shortage do something similar?

I picture a first-person preacher where you travel through Assisi and environs and experience both cruel oppression and sublime ecstasy, with your spiritual score updated based on your actions. I think the Stigmata scene would have to be unlocked only after you have progressed to a pretty high level so that it would be especially meaningful.

That might serve well to boost interest in the OFM, but how about the rank and file diocesan clergy ranks? I think in this case one could rework the classic book by Georges Bernanos Diary of a Country Priest struggling with the day-to-day challenges of leading his flock, only giving it a little bit of action and flash, to appeal to the younger set. Perhaps you could choose a setting which isn't provincial France of the 1930s and instead pick an inner city parish where the parishioners (and the unchurched) would have a somewhat different outlook on life.

To incorporate more exotic locales, one could turn to the lives of the missionaries. But one would have to have a certain degree of cross-cultural sensitivity to avoid offense.

Christmas eve 2007

The process of producing the Christmas concert and Mass at St. Thérèse's in Cresskill is never quite the same for us. This year, we had our regular keyboard/organ player drop out of action two weeks before the big day due to health problems, our choir director took a bad spill on the ice this last weekend, and a family of our best singers come down with respiratory issues causing them to drop out at the last minute too. But happily we were able to roll with the punches, call in a few favors, and make it all happen again.

And I had a solo!

Choral preludes

1. Nativity Carol, O’Brien (Erin Calev, soprano, and Colleen Crooker, alto)


2. Be Born in Us Today, Haas (Rich Magahiz, baritone)


3. O Little Town of Bethlehem, Redner (Don Mulry, tenor)


4. Still is the Night, traditional (Choir)


5. Carols Around and A Round, traditional, arranged by Carl Nygard (Choir)


6. O Holy Night, Adam (Choir)

Christmas Eve Mass (all pieces performed by full choir)

1. Entrance: O Come All Ye Faithful, Wade


2. Gloria: A Christmas Gloria, Gibson


3. Psalm: A Child is Born, Deiss


4. Alleluia: Christmas Alleluia, Dean


5. Offertory: He Shall Be Called, Callaway


6. Sanctus: Mass of Creation, Haugen


7. Profession of Faith: Mass of Creation


8. Amen: Mass of Creation


9. Lamb of God: Mass of Creation


10. Communion: Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring, Bach (violin and organ duet)


11. Recessional: Joy to the World, Händel

And by the end I couldn't hear my own voice, which is as it should be, I guess. I'll have to see whether my digital recorder was able to pick up anything worth listening to.

No cupcakes this year because of time constraints, but I did get to preside over

In which I credit my source

My anti-caption contest submission last week was granted Honorable Mention presumably because it is way creepy. Thanks, Matthew!

One holy, Catholic, and apostolic cellphone

Lest one think from the previous entry that I concentrate only on other cultures' religious artifacts, here's one from my very own. Catholic Mobile has the right idea, but they ought to consider a few other ideas in their marketing to tie in the two concepts on which they are based:

• Plans structured Novena-style., in which you get a reading every day for nine days (or one every First Friday in a row maybe).


• Forty Hours' Devotion, with litanies and readings sent out every hour over a weekend.


• Speaking of litanies, they could make them interactive, where they send out the antiphon, and the user would then send back the response. It could get kind of expensive if the phone is on a per-message charge rate structure though.

In my opinion,Universalis already has access to the Divine Office via mobile phone sewn up, however, so there is little sense in trying to compete there.

Two Towers,
originally uploaded by Princeps autem justus.

(Via Coudal Partners broken link.)

Instrumented prayer rugs

I was talking with a friend yesterday and casually dropped the idea of creating prayer rugs with a GPS receiver woven into them, so that the owner would always know what direction to orient themselves toward Mecca. Maybe there could be an electroluminescent strip of yarn around the edge that would light up in the proper direction.

I could see this as being useful for the pious Moslem traveler, and of course for someone who was in Earth orbit and wanted to be faithful to the precept of salah.

Inside the Blue Mosque,
originally uploaded by Darren Bryant.

Expanding the holy product line

I heard about the company producing Holy Drinking Water on the morning news today.

To that end, Wayne Enterprises is distributing Holy Drinking Water - a half-liter of reverse-osmosis purified water bottled by a Stockton company and blessed by clergy. So far, the blessings have come from Catholic and Anglican priests, but the plan is for clergy from any faith that honors holy water to offer blessings.

I turned to Pam and said "Maybe they could also produce a line of fertilizer...."

Updated: The manufacturer's stamp of approval has come, at least as far as I am concerned.

Battling bible verse PDA

An item about the demise of the four-legged chick (an actual bird, as in chicken, that is) reminded me of the issue of problematic biblical verses (see item b on the list) and revived this idea I had of a handheld device which would help in the sometimes difficult task of defending Scripture. You would type in "four-footed fowl" on the little keyboard, and it would search the Web wirelessly to demonstrate the existence, non-existence, or scholarly thought on the concept, so that you could use that as ammo in your debate.

Better yet, if one is fighting with someone else who is citing chapter and verse, you could input the reference into the program and it would search its own concordance of Scripture to give you the diametrically opposed argument out of the Bible. This would eliminate the tedium of having to actually listen to the argument and recall to mind the contradictory position yourself. I would want to make sure that it also had indexes for other works (The Origin of Species, the Qu'ran, the Book of Mormon) so that it would have the widest possible impact.

I've looked, very briefly, and have not found existing software with this precise functionality for Palm or Windows. I would call it iZealot and make sure that I trademarked it before Apple thinks of the idea.

Not so intelligent design

The second item on this list of facts about thirst (broken link) makes me even more convinced that the design of human beings is poorly optimized. Consider that one can go only a few days without taking in water, and it would seem as if this would be a high priority item for a designer to get right. Why wouldn't dehydration make us thirsty automatically, instead of making us hungry or tired or forgetful? Even I as designer, non-omniscient as I am, would have taken some care to get that basic drive right before going on to the rest of the creature.

On the other hand, evolution skeptics would cite the same item to point out that if human ancestors developed in the relatively dry African savannah, it would seem as if natural selection ought rightly to have cleared out any individuals who were apt to misidentify the need for seeking out a water hole. Humans who originated in a place with four wholesome rivers, in present-day Iraq might be expected to be more casual about decent hydration. Fallen mankind outside of Eden just inherited a design that was meant for a quite different setting.

All I know is that it's time for a cup of tea while I ponder human shortcomings.

Christmas eve 2006

Our church choir's one big performance at 10pm last night went off at last, after something like eight weeks of practice, with many of the same hymns as last year.

Choral preludes (9:30 PM)

1. O Holy Night (broken link) (Adam)


2. God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen


3. Gesù Bambino soprano solo (Yon)


4. Panis Angelicus (broken link) tenor solo (Franck)


5. Pie Jesu soprano/alto duet (Webber)


6. Hark, the Herald Angels Sing (Wesley - Mendelssohn)

Mass

1. O Come, All Ye Faithful (broken link)(Wade - Adeste Fideles)


2. A Christmas Gloria (Gibson)


3. A Child Is Born (Deiss)


4. Christmas Alleluia (Dean)


5. Offertory - He Shall Be Called (broken link) (Callaway)


6. Sanctus - Mass of Creation (Haugen)


7. Profession of Faith - "O Come Let Us Adore Him" (Wade - Adeste Fideles)


8. Amen - Mass of Creation (Haugen)


9. Lamb of God - Mass of Creation (Haugen)


10. Communion meditation -
11. Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring violin and piano duet (J. S. Bach)


12. Communion hymn - Silent Night/Night of Silence (Kantor)


13. Joy to the World (Watts - Händel)

I would be exaggerating to say that everything went off without a hitch, but I think the issues we had to deal with were pretty small - a missed cue here, a disjointed accompaniment there, a thump when someone touched a microphone - that most of them were probably just at the threshold of perception for the audience. On the other side, we seemed not to have as much of the chronic flaws we fought during practice (ragged entrances and a pronounced tendency to go flat), plus the crowd maybe 25% larger than what we had last year, in this time slot that always poses such a challenge.

Finally, after the last hymn, I made an announcement: Nobody was to leave until they'd had a chance to pick up one of the cupcakes I'd made! From the sound of the thanks I received, I think I might have earned some (almost literal) brownie points thereby.

Action figures of the Book

The Marines won't be giving out talking Jesus dolls to kids this Christmas owing to the possibility of giving offense to non-Christians. "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

The obvious solution would be to go a little further back give out talking dolls of religious figures the three monotheistic faiths can agree on. The same company making the Jesus action figure already makes one of Moses (as does toypresidents.com), and King David is also esteemed by each religion. But why stop there?

• Abraham/Ibrahim: "Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?" "If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!" "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son."


• Noah/Nuh: "Cursed be Canaan! The lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers." "Blessed be the LORD, the God of Shem!" "May God extend the territory of Japhethand may Canaan be his slave."


• Isaac/Ishaq: "She is my sister." "Now the LORD has given us room and we will flourish in the land."


• Jacob/Yaqub: "Sell me your birthright." "I am Esau your firstborn." "Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her."


• Adam: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

And of course you could have Eve and Rebekah and Sarah and Rachel figures for the girls and unselfconscious boys, though they don't seem to get nearly as many lines in Genesis so one would need to be a little more creative. All the very best passages in the Bible/Torah go to Yahweh, who could be represented by a Burning Bush or an Ark of the Covenant perhaps.

And if any of the kids receiving toys happen to be Buddhist or Hindu or Wiccan? Well, you can't please everyone.