Monday, February 12, 2007

Burglar's workout

They have kickboxing workouts, pole dancing workouts, military boot camp workouts, and prison workouts but I don't think the fitness experts have turned to the criminal world for inspiration. I imagine a Breaking and Entering Workout where participants learn how to move stealthily, climb improvised ropes, break through doors and windows, and sprint wildly for their lives under extreme time pressure. The instructors would be chosen for the depth of their first-hand knowledge, on either side of the penal system, and music would be chosen from among the vast assortment of caper film soundtracks, punctuated by loud alarm sounds when a student muffs one of the moves.

Eileen, Breaking and Entering
Eileen, Breaking and Entering,
originally uploaded by geek.beard.

The students would have to sign a statement beforehand pledging that anything they happen to learn in the course of their instruction would be used only for good, not evil. Maybe they should be fingerprinted as well, just to be safe.

I decline to discuss specifically how this idea came to my mind today, but just wish to mention that I am sometimes very glad that I do take the time to try to stay in shape.

4 comments:

Leslie said...

I could probably benefit from such a workout because 1) I am trying to lose weight and 2) my stealth is much like that of John Belushi in AnimalHouse when they are breaking into the dean's office.

Yet another excellent idea you have there.

RichM said...

I can truthfully say that I've never seen a chubby cat burglar.

Kelley said...

RichM, have you been burglarizing homes again? This totally explains the van and all the tools.

RichM said...

Oh please, in my line of work, well-heeled people pay me to go into their homes, sometimes under minimal supervision, where I have complete access to their valuables and secrets and a keen insight into how they live. I have pictures. Why ever would I need to turn to housebreaking? (Except for the fitness aspects?)